I am sick of them all

Been left alone again with dad.

Did not get to spend Christmas morning with mom because as soon as she was up my sister was all over her bed, no room for me. So I had to just sit out in the living room alone. of course mom didn't tell me what was on isn't somethings he wanted to watch so she was just going to stay in her bedroom. I would have changed it.

Then i get in trouble because when I ask if i can have more dinner, mom tells me to ask dad and make him some to. What did they expect? Pretty much no stuffing left and of COURSE its what he wanted, not really enough to split for two so I just gave it all to him then I am in trouble for giving it all to him and not eating.

Now mom has been gone all day, so didn't get to spend time with her today either, and she just gets home and mandi is dragging her shopping and wont let me go along. So i am once again stuck alone with dad. On the way out she tells me I am not going to be able to watch MY tv tonight ( yes it is my tv, I bought it with my money, i own it, like i own the ps3 we watch dvd's with, and I own the sound bar) because she has a movie she wants to watch and she is GOING to watch it on the big screen.

And yet its all MY fault. For how i "treated" them last night, according to my sister. YOU got upset at me when i said i was fine. kept pushing till i exploded. yet its MY fault??

Whats the point of even trying to get up anymore? whats the point of being here when i am trapped with a man who thinks of me as nothing but a servant and causes trouble all the time? When i don't get to spend anytime with my mom because my sister has decided she needs her all to herself or not at all?

I hate the world, and I hate my family.

A Gift From a Friend

Okay, so the last day of my Exceptional Child class the older lady who sits next to me, Yong had a gift for me, a giant kiss. Yong is originally from Korea and is really sweet. she'd bought it from the commissary. There on Fort Carson by the campus.

Well it accidently went home with her and she called me and got my address to come give it to me but she never came by and i thought maybe she forgot.

Well, I came home today to find this. Apparently she came by today and gave them to my sisteri while i was gone. For some reason she added this 2 lb box of chocolate pretzels. She is so CUTE!

I am so excited, I can't remember ever really getting a gift from a classmate before. Never really had friends in class like that before. She is so sweet and I am so grateful that I got to know her! Yong is a wonderful lady that I hope she has a wonderful Christmas and finds herself blessed!

A Monster Weekend: How one teacher can turn a joy filled time, into utter pain, fear, and anger

Now that it is all over I feel safe enough to talk about whats happened this week. Starting on Saturday I logged onto Desire2Learn to check if my teachers had posted my final or anything yet. The first thing I saw was a nice shiny A. Then I saw the D. The teacher, who last semester gave me a C, couldn't "find" my mentor eval in her emails and that I had not turned in a self evaluation she supposedly had told me to do when she'd observed me. So that was 150 points I had been missing.

First of all, she never told me to do that, and there was nothing on D2L telling me what I was supposed to do for that, it just said what it was. So I hoped it was taken care of for I had no clue and assumed she would have told me it at the observation she did of me.

Second of all, my mentor teacher had sent her the evaluation a month prior. Why had she not received it? She had done this to me last semester! I emailed her, and then fussed with my other teacher because I was in a panic, failing would mess up my financial aid, could make it impossible to graduate on time next semester, and it could kill my GPA enough to kick me out of Phi Theta Kappa. I had to wait over the weekend with no responses except from my mentor teacher assuring me that she had sent it on November 5th.

Finally, today, she contacted me to ask what my teacher's email and name was that had sent it to her, so she could "find it" in her inbox... I was confused. Hadn't she looked and not found it? Isn't that why she was giving me a 0? Well i told her and she comes back with this:

"I have found an evaluation from **********  for you, under a different last name.  I had not opened it because I thought it was sent by mistake to my email."

So you DID have it? you just assumed it was junk and ignored it? Really? At least she's decided to give me the 100 points. She's still keeping the 0 on the other 50, claiming i should have known and done it and it was supposed to be 1 page long. No where on D2L does it say what it should be, or how long!  I am grateful that I am now passing, but pissed off I'm getting a 0 on a assignment that I was not told what to do, or how to do it, or even TO do it. And that 50 points could push me up to a low b!

It had just sucked the joy out of everything. That one of my teachers had been so impressed with my notes she had me email them to her, and another teacher gave me a perfect score on my final, (which includes the extra credit question I was sure i bombed) so I had ended up with 110% on my final, but all of it was gone because of one teacher...

I am very upset, but also very grateful. I've had friends tell me they were going to pray for me, and my mom put my name on the prayer roll at the temple. It all seemed to help and I am grateful that I am passing.

Plus I NEVER have to see that teacher again, EVER!

The video accurately describes how I have felt the past weekend.

Family Recipes

Finally! I got a family cookbook, but of all the family recipes there was only one I wanted, to my aunts cinnamon rolls. Made them today and by the time i rolled them flat i really hated the dough. But they are baked and smelling good!

and YES they are quite as big as they look. My family always makes cinnamon rolls HUGE. We had yeast in it and i have to let it rise for a totally of 35 minutes between all the different things. they are soo delicious. For a reference on the size let me tell you, the round pan is a full pizza pan, and behind it there is a spatula so you can tell, very large and will last a couple days!

Not feeling myself

I have been feeling really stressed lately. It's gotten so bad little things that didn't bother me before have made me burst into tears and snap. Nothing seemed terribly stressful, I just feel that way. Mom told me today she thinks it is because I haven't been taking my multi-vitamin. It might be true so guess I need to really try and remember to take them each day, and see if that calms me down or if it does nothing at all.

At least school is almost over and I have those few weeks of break before my last semester starts which I am sure will cause a lot more stress. Though I do have something calming to do this week. A friend of mine from class is paying me to make 11 rubber band jingle bracelets for her. So I have 8 more to go and I should be paid at the final Friday.

It will be nice to have money, I don't usually have money I can spend. Won't be enough to buy a game really, but enough to maybe bye a little something for myself at least, not sure what yet but I am sure I will think of something when the time comes.

My own world

You know, there is nothing I find more relaxing then getting comfortable in a chair or my bed and creating and developing my own world. Drawing maps, creating characters and cultures is a very soothing activity and I admit that sometimes I wish I could do it all the time. I get so tired of my world and its darkness. I would much rather spend my time in one of my own creations where I know everything will be okay where I don't have to worry about my future or that of my family, I know how broken a family I create is, unlike my own family which i never realized was breaking apart at the seems till it had already fallen apart.

In a fictitious world of my own design, I never have to cry.