The Terrible Truth and a Broken Soul

Yesterday I finally learned a terrible truth I've always kind of known.

My father does not love me. I've worked hard all my life to prove I am worth something, that I am worth loving but yesterday... Him and my mom were arguing because i was upset dad wanted to just get rid of my chair and table and shove it in a corner somewhere so he could put a seat for himself there.

Listening to them argue I heard the hate in his voice...and later talking to mom she tells me she saw it clearly in his face. He hates me, he dislikes me, he doesn't love me. When she confronted him later telling that "your daughter is downstairs in her room crying because she thinks you don't love her, and i saw it in you face you don't like her. " He didn't say he "no I do love her, I like her" he just defended himself saying things like, he doesn't like some of the things I do, and hes not that kind of person. He hasn't called me in the tell me he loves me. He can't, because he doesn't.

It is truly heartbreaking to know that your own father sees no worth in you and doesn't love you. TO know he hates you and blaims you for anything and everything. I know i have a mom and sisters that love me, I have a couple friends... but it hurts so bad to know that my father doesn't. And how can I trust my heavenly father if my own father is so awful?

I'm not sure about anything anymore. I miss Squirt, I miss having a bird friend to comfort me, I miss the hope I had that one day dad would get better and love me... My heart and soul hurt so much...

Mending a broken heart

I'm sure any followers will remember when I lost my beloved Squirt. It has been hard having other birds in the house that hate me when i just want a bird to love. So i have turned to GoFundMe page to try and raise money for a new bird.

If anyone is curious about the story here is the link gofundme.com/zhk3un4

Tera: My favorate game

 Recently I have gone back to one of my favorite games, the only mmo that i actually stuck with and was willing to spend money on (though you do not have to spend a dime on tera to play or to win the game) First I was a Beserker, which helped because beserkers can block so i could solo BAMs and dungeons on my own. BU then the new class, Gunner, came out. I decided to give it a try and loved it.  My gunner is now lvl 65 (at the current lvl cap) and so I have started an Archer.

This second screenshot here is of a demon i had to hunt for one of my quests. It was just soo creepy looking.

The next few are because of an achievement at dragon turtle beach where every year they hold the beach party festival. well the festival wasn't going on but the sand was still there and if you pick up the sand and use it on the beach you make a sandcastle. I did enough to complete all the achievements and ended up with Magic Sand as a reward which let me build sandcastles everywhere which is alot of fun watching people run around and figure out where the sandcastle came from.
 You can also see my gunner sitting down wearing the pirate costume i bought for her,

I also took a screen shot of a BAM I was fighting who was like.. an evil Armadillo Beatle thing.
It kept curling up into a spinning wheel of death,





Here you can see Jageg's Money Trees in the lvl 60-65 area. You have to pick some gold from them for Jageg before he will tell you what you want to know.

 Today I discovered there was an achievement outside one of the large cities Kaiator. If you climbed up the mountain and reached the right spot it would give you a pet called bam bam. Well i found it, which ended up being the Wall of Wordcraft. you click on it and leave a permanent message along with all the others and you get the pet there standing besides my gunner.


Lastly my Archer. I recently used my gunner to farm fashion coupons to get her the fashion and the weapon skin. The mask i found on the trade broker. It could be bought from the shop but i didn't have enough really money for that and another player was selling it for only 800 gold so i bought it cause it looked SO good with her.



I wish I had more friends to play with but I do have a guild that is lots of fun and friendly. I adore this game, and am happy to spend time on it.