Yesterday I finally learned a terrible truth I've always kind of known.
My father does not love me. I've worked hard all my life to prove I am worth something, that I am worth loving but yesterday... Him and my mom were arguing because i was upset dad wanted to just get rid of my chair and table and shove it in a corner somewhere so he could put a seat for himself there.
Listening to them argue I heard the hate in his voice...and later talking to mom she tells me she saw it clearly in his face. He hates me, he dislikes me, he doesn't love me. When she confronted him later telling that "your daughter is downstairs in her room crying because she thinks you don't love her, and i saw it in you face you don't like her. " He didn't say he "no I do love her, I like her" he just defended himself saying things like, he doesn't like some of the things I do, and hes not that kind of person. He hasn't called me in the tell me he loves me. He can't, because he doesn't.
It is truly heartbreaking to know that your own father sees no worth in you and doesn't love you. TO know he hates you and blaims you for anything and everything. I know i have a mom and sisters that love me, I have a couple friends... but it hurts so bad to know that my father doesn't. And how can I trust my heavenly father if my own father is so awful?
I'm not sure about anything anymore. I miss Squirt, I miss having a bird friend to comfort me, I miss the hope I had that one day dad would get better and love me... My heart and soul hurt so much...
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