The fires are devastating. It seems like whenever one stops, another starts. now its changed the sky colors...

Why does this have to happen again?

Besides this, I was reading on the bus and managed to zone out completely. i missed my stop. when I got off and tried to walk back, it was murder. It was super hot, my back and legs hurt., my arms hurt from carrying my school stuff and it was ALL up hill, the entire rode.

By the time i got home i was so hot, to hot to even touch my forehead, and almost passed out 3 times. I hate my low blood pressure -.-

Giggles and Tears

My sister shared a picture to my Facebook wall today and I couldn't help but burst out laughing. It was to cute and awesome.  So being kind me I'm going to share it with everyone else.

This is a gorgeous guinea pig. I have two myself so these type of pictures just make me smile and giggle. Though today has not been all smiles a giggles, though I wish it had been.

I was already tired from running around the CDC [Child Development Center] and then going to math class, but now life is just going right back down the hole. The front door is broken. The top part of the wood is coming up slightly enough that the door leans. Now when you close it, you either have to lift it to close, or you can't get it open. all we had were small nails and no hammer to be seen but they aren't working so we don't know what to do. 

Although he would never admit it, it was dad who broke the door.  He leans and pulls so hard on that door its the only way to explain why the door would be doing what it is. 600 pounds puling and pushing down on the door. Though mom started loosing herself, so convinced her to go back to the kitchen and finish what she was doing and the dish washer was having problems so she started going "why why why why why" in a high pitched voice as she tried not to cry. She's out of the house now, going off to buy a hammer and nails or whatever. 

I walked to the pantry, close to where dad's bedroom is and saw him getting dressed. unable to resist I looked at him and said " mom's gone" he asked where she had gone so I replied "to get nails for the door you broke most likely." he growled saying "I did NOT break the door" I told him he had, leaning on the door and he started protesting saying " I do not lean on the door" so when he left the house he made a point of leaning on the brick instead. 

He doesn't understand that leaning on the door is also putting all his weight on it cause he's soooo tired and can 'barely' stand, as he opens it. But its useless he cant even admit how fat he is, no chance in heck he is going to admit him being fat broke our front door. 

So mom is now off on her own.. I asked if she wanted me to go with her and she just said 'no'. She sounded mad... but I know she wasn't mad at me, just at the whole situation. She's stressed with school and everything else that is going on and this just was a bad time for this to happen.

I'm just worried about her being by herself. I don't want her to hurt herself or anything and I hate to see her cry. It's making it all the harder that I'm trying so hard not to hate him, not to yell and be angry at him for making her cry again. Mom says I need to pray for him and let the anger go but each time he does something or causes something to happen like this it makes it harder and harder.

I have a big project due next Wednesday that I should be doing... I have a paper I should be doing that is due tomorrow... I have math homework i need to be doing... I have reading I need to be doing. So much homework... and I am probably going downstairs to find a hammer and my nails. I'm sure my container, wherever it is, has long ones in it.

I'm not even going to be able to talk to my friends, which I haven't done much of the past few days, all because I need to find the hammer and nails, and try to have it fixed and mom feeling better before she gets home. I just hope that if i succeed... dad isn't home to ruin it.

Empty

I have been feeling depressed since yesterday. I don't mean like sad I mean really depressed.

I got the grade back from my summary essay I turned in Friday. I got a 66% or in other words, I received a D. To those who think 'that's not that bad' try and remember that to most schools a D is just as bad as an F. My mom and the guy that had peer reviewed it both loved it but apparently my teacher did not feel the same way.

In my previous English class my teacher loved me. He even told me once how he did mine first because he knew it was going to be an easy read. Never did I receive a grade lower then an A. I thought I was finally past getting the C's and D's I received in high school. I was wrong.

My teacher said "At times you had the right idea, but too many sloppy errors (i.e. those covered in class) + a lack of focus brought your overall grade down. be sure to visit the Writing Center in the future to help you ID a clear thesis and fix some of your sentence problems too."

This has killed me. on the paper she had lots of notes and marks saying everything she thought was wrong [which was most of the paper] I cried yesterday, then cried myself to sleep, then cried this morning. I feel so empty now.

I used 'it' twice, I missed a contraction and she thought most of it was wordy and rambling. Not to mention she couldn't find my thesis apparently.  Telling me I needed to go to the writing center was a hard blow. I've been writing for as logn as I can remember.. and now I have someone telling me I can't write. It makes me want to stop writing completely, to the point I haven't written in my notebook for the Tah-len and Mae story at all.

Nothing Better Then a Shower

So my hair was feeling kind of yucky so I decided I was going to take a shower. Well Mellow, our blue and gold macaw, hasn't had a shower in a little bit so I took him in with me. He doesn't move through the hot water, or even when it was warm but once cold water hit him he had the time of his life. He was dancing around and spreading his wings. He has a massive wingspan so as I was standing there I kept getting hit with his wings.  At one point while he hit me he started laughing.

Eventually it was getting to cold for me and he was calming down so I stopped the water but as I got dressed he just danced on the perch. That bird was so happy it just made me giggle. Now he is soaking wet on the ropes just walking around and talking up a storm.